I talk a lot when I want. At least from my point of view, I do. But I realise that when I speak about my feelings at any length to someone else, I always tend to ponder on the words I used. Did I convey my feelings, right? Should I have said less? Should I have said more?
I feel especially vulnerable when I have spoken about certain topics. I struggle with reflecting on my day as a way of being mindful of my actions. But reflection comes naturally to me when I have discussed my feelings. I replay over and over the words I used.
Last night, I talked about my subconscious hopes and contradictory reconditioning of my mind to not dwell on having a second child triggered by the single statement of “I hope you haven’t given up.”
I am a mixed bag of emotions. Talking helps. Talking is therapy, but sometimes it has the ability to take me down a rabbit hole of thoughts. I do not wish to face them yet.
We got to week 4 of cycle 1. I am super grateful that things have remained as normal as possible. This week is the last treatment of cycle one, and then we get a two week break.
This week also marks the 4th week anniversary of restarting family devotion. Our Silver lining.
Today’s thought is that God makes all things beautiful in his time. There is a reason our lives are playing out this way, and I trust that all things are working together for our good.
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